Cory's Thoughts on the Dali Llama
Every so often we all get Spam...some of us have a deep seated wish to talk back to it. Too bad you don't have a website so YOU can do that. Heh, heh, heh. You're SOOOO Lame!
The Spam message is in green and our Humble Tyrant's backtalk is in white.
Dalai Lama's Millennium Thoughts
You'd think that he could spell his own name right, but he's a busy, busy man and has only had 200 lifetimes to get it right.
This is what The Dalai Lama has to say on the millennium: all it takes is a few seconds to read and think. Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise.
So, even the Dali Lama can't read a calendar. You'd think after so many reincarnations he'd get the damn math right.
This is true even if you are not superstitious.
But if you are, it's twice as true!
I N S T R U C T I O N S F OR L I F E
One: Be born. Two: Learn you will die. Three: Have lunch
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
And the possibility of getting caught by the farmer checking on his sheep.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
The lesson is, cheat next time.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
I thought they were Lather, Rinse, and Repeat. Damn lying shampoo bottle!
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Yeah, like that liver transplant you were waiting on, if you would have gotten it, you wouldn't have been able to get all of your friends and family together.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
I have nothing to say to this except that I agree with this wholeheartedly. Especially the pesky rules of physics.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Make all your disputes Big Nasty ones!
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
And if that doesn't work, deny, deny, deny. Hey, it worked for Bush in Florida and Clinton in...well all the time.
8. Spend some time alone everyday.
Preferably while looking at naughty sites on the internet. Like this one.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
Like you did the little candles at the dollar store, when you opened your arms with them, they fell on the floor and got all smooshed. Then the clerk stared at you and made you buy them. Stupid git.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Unless the question is: Who wants sex? Which I get asked every night while he sleep by Parker Posey.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back,you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
But you'll be bored silly when it flashes before your eyes as the bus bears down on you, so know your options.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
And it can make the canary die from the fumes.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
Do, however, bring up lunch. Preferably on the loved ones shoes. It's a cheap way to win the argument.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
If you chew wintergreen life savers in the dark they shoot sparks out of your mouth. Now I shall live forever, like Dracula
15. Be gentle with the earth.
Yeah, quit using it as something to drive on.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
Like the kitchen. Me, I try to clean a new body part every year.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
And the worst is the one where the other person forgets to untie you for a couple of weeks.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
So, I should like my job since I had to give up my pride, my self-worth, and my immortal soul for it?
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
But combining the two can cause oatmeal stains and carrots in odd places.
FORWARD THIS MANTRA E-MAIL TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE.
Yes, they will tell you to quit spamming them so much.
0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
That sharp stabbing pain will become a dull ache.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
So, I'll turn into a dolphin and not have to put up with the voices in my head?
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.
All of which will have to do with Cheese Whiz. Or something else using the term Whiz.
15 people and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape. These words seem to be good and true no matter the philosophy or source.
Wow, that's so great, sending someone an e-mail will erase all my depression, angst and ennui? Why doesn't the Psychiatric community know about this?
Throw away your Prozak, people, just send out spam!